Please note: Due to the nature of this post, I’ll not be adding pictures. Most of the links that I’m using will go to sites that do include relevant images. So, if you either do, or don’t, want to see graphic representations of female (and male) genitalia, it’s up to you if you click them.
We all know about erectile dysfunction (ED), right? There’s adverts on TV all the time (in the UK, it’s the 40 Over 40 ad) which claims that 40% of men over 40 years of age have suffered from some form of ED.
The ad is from a pharmaceutical manufacturer, of course. But at least we’re talking about it.
Now, what we do not talk about is when you have a sexual dysfunction if you are female. I am not talking about not wanting sex, which is what most (male) doctors think of as the only female sexual “problem” (that problem being that you just don’t want to have sex with your current partner, for whatever reason – tiredness, feeling bad about yourself, feeling unloved, etc. – and quite often this is not seen as a problem to the woman concerned, but it is to her partner!). No, I’m not talking about the hideously named frigidity.
I am talking about your body being unable to respond in the normal way, to sexual stimulus. If I was talking about men, we’d all know what I meant. We’re talking impotence. Not getting a hard-on.
The process of getting turned on, for me, sounds like a fairly complex process, but pretty much everything sounds complex, when you try and describe it, blow for blow, as it were. But, that’s what I’m going to try to do.
I don’t think I am going to talk about the things that cause certain things to happen to my body, that’s my business (and if it is ever likely to be your business, you have to work them out for yourself ) but I would like to try to explain the things that happen to my genitalia, when it is preparing to have intercourse.
That sounds clinical.
I shall try not to sound clinical, but I also do not want to sound like pornography. However, I may use some vernacular terms, just for clarity because saying “faeces” instead of saying “poo” is just silly, and this is the same kinda thing. Even though we are not going to be talking about poo.
So… here I am, in a situation that is progressing towards sexual intercourse.
Possibly the first thing I will notice in my genital region, is a warm feeling in my outer lips, or labia majora. I will start to feel puffy around there and I will become very sensitive to touch, on the labia majora and the surrounding region.
It would be inadvisable to try and touch me on the clitoris, at this early stage. It can be quite uncomfortable, if not painful, if you jump on in to do that, too soon. I say this, as a lot of people (OK, men) are under the impression that the clitoris is like some magic button that will instantly produce a wet and willing fanny for them to stuff their cock into. This is not the case. Well, not for me, at least.
The next stage of physical arousal, for me, is when I get engorged labia minora. My inner lips (aka piss flaps) grow quite a lot. It’s kind of like a bats wing (albeit a tiny, pink one) being spread.
Shockingly, this is the bit they remove if you have cosmetic surgery to tidy up your snatch. Something I once considered, till I saw what it involved and got to know my body a little better.
My clitoris will have expanded (although I don’t get that much of a clitoral hard-on, myself, I have seen some that grow quite considerably) and it is no longer uncomfortable to touch.
I will, at about the same time, start to feel very sort-of-full-up inside. If something doesn’t touch my hole, immediately, I may just burst. I guess it’s akin to “blue balls”. I may not feel wet, but this is because it is all still inside of me, and a quick squeeze or touch will release the build up of vaginal secretions that is making me feel so desperate.
Any time now would be the right time to slip slide away, into my fanny. Now lubricated, swollen and ready to play.
So, here’s the rub… I am feeling all of the above and yet… and yet… none of these things is happening. I have not swollen up. Nothing is engorged. I am still as dry as if I had just spent the last half hour listening to Money Box, instead of having attention paid to my box.
I feel turned on, in my head. Why has not my body responded in the way it should?
Is it something I have done? (No, it’s your neurology, you have MS)
Is it something I have not done? (I refer the honourable lady to the answer I gave some moments ago)
I am sure my partner is feeling the same. I bet s/he’s thinking they’ve done/not done something to cause this, too.
Still, I’m female. All you need do is apply lube, right? Then you can stuff whatever you want up there. Well… actually, I’d rather you didn’t. My body has not done all the prep work it usually needs for penetration.
Saying “Use lube and you’ll be fine” is tantamount to saying to a guy “use a lolly-pop stick as a splint for your limp cock, you’ll be fine”.
Um, it might be a work-around for your partner, but it is going to feel odd and unsatisfying for you. Of course, if you’re a woman, you’ve to put up with this, right?
There is nothing they can prescribe for us, unlike for men, these days. We do all have similar physiology, so I don’t really see why not, though.
I think the reason that we do not have medical interventions available to us, as women, is that no-one knows we need it.
When I talk to a doctor about such issues, or even my occasional (but of lengthy duration) bouts of anorgasmia, particularly in relation to the medications I am on, s/he looks it up in the books and there is no mention of such a problem in women, but it will often list impotence in men as a side effect.
Of course, I am making a fuss over nothing, as usual.
Clean your teeth, love, and pass me the lube.